Archive for March, 2010
Is It Right To Donate To Charity!?
Posted by: | CommentsA friend sent me this email this morning – it made me smile – hope it makes you smile too!?
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to F*** off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!
(Apologies to the cartoonist – I don’t know who you are!)
Cartoons for BLACKTEE – A Game Of Life!
Posted by: | CommentsHere’s what makes my work as a cartoonist so interesting and varied. This is one of a dozen ‘Zodiac’ cartoons I did last year for BLACKTEE. These were signs of the Zodiac for golfers.
LEO – LION July 24-August 23 – AREN’T I GOOD?
(Brief was: SUN SHINING LION LAZING IN A HAMMOCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FAIRWAY WEARING SUN GLASSES SWINGING A CLUB WITH ONE HAND COCKTAIL GLASS WITH UMBRELLA IN THE OTHER.)
To belong to this sign, they say, is to appear to others, as brassy, sassy yet undeniably classy. It is to be brave, bold and bolshy yet still, somehow, more composed than a symphony and more “confident” than Chris Tarrant himself. Leos, so the textbooks tell us, are nothing else, 24 hours a day, than stylish show-offs and sexy superstars.
You can see the Golf Diary they appeared in and also can purchase them as prints at…
http://www.blacktee.co.uk/zodiacprints.aspx
After all the cartoons were complete we extracted bits from each of the cartoons to produce this promo logo…
Were These Lawyers For Real?
Posted by: | CommentsThese are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, “isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________ ________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Home Page Cartoon Graphics for Loomisland!
Posted by: | CommentsCartoon Graphics for Loomisland!
Here’s a recently project I completed for http://www.loomisland.com web site through Lis Alpert at http://www.webthreesixty.com
The images were drawn up in Adobe Illustrator so they could be easily sized up and down without any lose of quality. These are clickable through to their appropriate web pages. Have a look at the web site and how these cartoons were also used on the navigation bar down the left hand side of the internal pages.
What Every Office Needs!
Posted by: | CommentsA friend sent me this email which raised a smile…
50 Things You Didn’t Know About Being A Cartoonist! (Part 1 No.s 1-10)
Posted by: | CommentsThings You Didn’t Know About Being A Cartoonist! (Part 1 No.s 1-10)
1. You have to be able to draw absolutely anything a client asks for. This is not quite as difficult as it was before we had the Internet. You can find most things on a Google image search. Years ago I used to have to go to the library to do research!
2. You can sit sketching absolutely anywhere! Sat on the beach drawing – WONDERFUL! I even take article that need illustrating with me on the school run. While waiting for my daughter I sit there thinking up ideas.
3. You can lay in a hammock thinking up ideas – and tell people you’re actually WORKING!
4. Sometimes you have to redraw a cartoon over and over again to your clients needs. (You need a ‘I-will-succeed-in-the end’ attitude!) Remember: They are paying the bills!
5. Sometimes you have to work really really late on an urgent deadline – even when you wanted to go out!
6. Then you might get another two very urgent deadlines at exactly the same time – you don’t want to turn work away. So you end up working all night and going to bed half an hour before its time to get up!
7. You have your thinking head all the time! Any ideas you get while down the pub or doing the food shopping could make you money. (You have to carry a small notepad with you at all times.)
8. You set your own working hours – but see above No.5 and 6!
9. I used to be a maintenance engineer/fitter in a factory when I left school – being a cartoonist has a better ring to it.
10. You can work with anyone globally nowadays – and just when you think your day is over someone from the other side of the world phones you up to do a job!
Just checking to see you’re there!?
Posted by: | Comments
Just thought I’d look in on you to see if you were at your computer,…….yep, you are. And you look gorgeous as always!!!???
Dragon’s Den invention goes crazy!
Posted by: | CommentsSorry I missed a few days – been working on my new invention
‘Home Helper Robot’ but as you can see this came to an abrupt end.
Back to the drawing board as they say!(As a cartoonist and not an
inventor!)
