Someone sent me these Church Bulletins gaffs…

They’re Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters…These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared
in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

(My favourite – so I’ve added a visual for it…)                                                                                                                      The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:  ‘ I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours “.

Vicar

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon
tonight: ’Searching for Jesus.’

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who
doesn’t care much about you.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church  help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way
again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They
need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to
be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer
and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
Is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him  their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s  Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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